Short note for a short post

I am pretty sure the readers know that for the past month ive been in a very bad situation with not so good emotion. YES! I am very emotional during those period and even today. So today's post arent going to be very happy or should I say.. its kinda sad too...

I've been struggling with my feelings and to bear in my mind that one thing that I am not sure of, I can't put too much hope in it. I've put in a massive effort to reach there though its a long way to go. But one thing I can't stop doing is being a jerk. well.. sort of... I'm afraid that if i make a mistake, I will then fail and never get there.

I don't really know how am I going to handle this, because the more I fight, the more I'm eager to do that. From being very close... Now we are getting further.. further and further away... And this disturbing thing makes me feel ultimately insecure about myself... All I want is to be happy.. but the more I try... the sadder i've become...

Frankly speaking, I can accept the fact that we are just friend because I didn't even plan to have more than that... but deep in my heart, it is always different.. and without me saying it, people knows.. and yes, nobody like to be in a gossip and I didn't plan to see it happens.. but when it happens. it destroys my hope because I know you wouldnt like it... but now... I don't know what to do....

And for the record, i've been into this blogging(by means of being active) is one of my effort to entertain the person I love.. but since my post are getting very personal and very sad. I don't think I could entertain anymore.. or maybe it makes me look stupid and I cant care more than this...

If we are not close as before, I hope we can be close.. but in other way.. I just cant afford to lose it... I know I am in a one way feeling.. and still hoping Ill find my way to make it as a 2 way... the reasons are very concrete on why we are not the same.. and why we are not close...

its like a thunder strike in my heart when she said "we are just friends! END".. I just don't know what to say then... tears suddenly fall from my eyes... my heart stops beating.. and all I can do is just pray to Allah.. to make me strong.. and to pray that someday... my wish comes true..

I respected her choice, and i choose to follow.. and I hope.. I can prove to her.. that I am qualified to be a HUSBAND who is not just a person who loves, but also as a husband to guide, to feed and to give the best to her... ITS MY WORD and ITS MY PROMISE

to you: Sorry if this blog post annoys you, or make you feel very uncomfortable I AM VERY VERY SORRY.. If you really think that things arent going to work out, or perhaps you really cant give even a piece of heart in the future.. I can still accept if you say you would reject me and after that, I WILL MOVE ON and I can accept to call you.. as just a friend.. and not more than that :S

It's Mother's Day, What do you expect?

So this time, it's about mother's day, So Imma make a special post. like other people do(LOL)

Firstly before I proceed,

Some people said that celebrating Mother's Day is HARAM. Well, It's different from me.. And people said this every time people celebrate it

1: Everyday is Mother's day, why have specific day for it?
2: This is Bid'ah, DON'T CELEBRATE IT!
3: This is not from Islam, save your IMAN, DON'T CELEBRATE IT

Well, hear this.. I know someone might not like what ill be saying or saying I'm just being ignorant and ego n bla bla bla.... Let us be clear that for me, I don't THINK it's HARAM.

1: I look at this celebration is in fact, very Islamic. It's not that I am saying that this celebration is a religious festival, It's a day to show to give to express our love to our Mom, and we all know that ISLAM, the Prophet(P.b.u.h) told us to favor our mom. So MOTHER'S DAY is in fact, one of the ways we can do it

2: Bid'ah, YES I KNOW that this event was not celebrated during the time of prophet, SO DOES THE INDEPENDENCE DAY CELEBRATION! But is this why we can't do it? NO! there's a lot of thing's that we do that doesn't even exist during the time of Prophet(p.b.u.h) in fact FB and blog and twitter and so on.. IS THIS THING HARAM?

3: It's not from Islam, yeah everyone knows that, so does the INDEPENDENCE DAY, TEACHER'S DAY and WORLD CANCER DAY! All of them are not from ISLAM.. but we do it as a sign of respect and honor... don't be to narrow. ISLAM IS NOT A PRISON so dont make yourself prisoned by Islam.. its a religion of love and peace

Okay so now i will proceed(phew.. at last!)

I would like to praise Allah, for giving me my mum, well also for the other MOMS out there..

you really are the MOST AMAZING WOMAN in life! I would really hope someday, I will be able to repay all your deeds though ONLY ALLAH CAN DO SO.. And thus, the Aim of my life, is to please you, to make you happy, and to have a family, that loves you, and take care of you..

I know I have not be the best child.. but I'll try my best to do so, I know i have disappointed you so many times, whether I do it on purpose or not, still I HOPE YOU'LL forgive me.. The degree i will bring back home, is always your dream.. I remembered when I always asks money from you.. and you'll say "You can ask anything from me, but please do your study well, that will please me, and thats my only request" So UMMI, I hope to bring back not just 1 degree, but! I HOPE I CAN BRING YOU 2 Degrees after I graduate! Insya-Allah

I can say I am really close to you, everything I do, you are the one who I will think of and hoped that my stories can make you happy.. yea I know I talk too much sometimes, but telling you stories will make me happy and I hope you'll be happy to listen to it too( SOMETIMES I ADDED UP MY STORIES AND IT SOUND ABSURD! SORRY!) But this is the best I could do(given the situation that most of my talent goes to my mouth so... yea...)

SO UMMI(AND ALSO ALL THE UMMI'S OUT THERE)

I dedicate this song for you(IM NOT GOING TO SING) just the lyrics

The Perfect Fan lyrics
It takes a lot to know what is love
It's not the big things, but the little things
That can mean enough
A lot of prayers to get me through
And there is never a day that passes by
I don't think of you
You were always there for me
Pushing me and guiding me
Always to succeed

[Chorus:]
You showed me
When I was young just how to grow
You showed me
Everything that I should know
You showed me
Just how to walk without your hands
Cuz mom you always were
The perfect fan

God has been so good
Blessing me with a family
Who did all they could
(From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/b/backstreet-boys-lyrics/the-perfect-fan-lyrics.html)
And I've had many years of grace
And it flatters me when I see a smile on your face
I wanna thank you for what you've done
In hopes I can give back to you
And be the perfect son

[Chorus]

You showed me how to love
You showed me how to care
And you showed me that you would always be there
I wanna thank you for that time
And I'm proud to say you're mine

[Chorus]

Cuz mom you always were,
Mom you always were
Mom you always were,
You know you always were
Cuz mom you always were... the perfect fan

I love you Mom

Next, I would also share some hadith that is related to this post.. I know this hadith IS VERY POPULAR! but just as a reminder and the reason why we should really appreciate and do good to our mom :)

Hazrat Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A person came to Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and asked, "Who among people is most deserving of my fine treatment?'' He (PBUH) said, "Your mother". He again asked, ``Who next?'' "Your mother", the Prophet (PBUH) replied again. He asked, "Who next?'' He (the Prophet (PBUH)) said again, "Your mother.'' He again asked, "Then who?'' Thereupon he (PBUH) said,'' Then your father.''

In another narration: "O Messenger of Allah! Who is most deserving of my fine treatment?'' He (PBUH) said, "Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then your nearest, then nearest".
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Commentary: This Hadith tells us that the rights of the mother are three times more important than that of the father for the reasons that:

1 She is weaker than the father.

2. The following three troubles are borne exclusively by the mother while the father does not share them with her:

a) She carries the baby in her womb for nine months,

b) The labor pain which she suffers.

c) Two years' period of suckling which disturbs her sleep at night and affects her health. She has also to be very cautious in her food for the welfare of the baby.

I wish I can do more than this... but yea.. I write this not direct from the heart.. so What came up during I type.. that is what im going to type..

Anways, I take this opportunity to request from the reader to pray for the 3 children who lost such a heroic mother, reading the story about those children, I cried, even life can be sacrificed for her love to her children, May Allah place you in heaven, you are an amazing mother, and for the children, I pray for the best in life and may you'll be placed together with you mom in Jannah, that's the best I can do..

So dear reader's, appreciate our mother, love them, please them..

and also for the reader who is already become a mother, this is a special day for you too :)

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

XOXO Jabir-Abdullah Amir

As random as the post seems

So this time I have nothing to do, not because I dont want to do anything but I simply have nothing to do :P

An interesting fact, today I've just learned that I'm not having flu. instead, I am having cold, its a 2 different thing?

flu is more fatal and flu is the type of disease which causes death(well, it seems scarier than it is actually)

but cold is just a virus infection which only infect the throat and the nose.... so that answers my confusion! yayy!!!

I am at home currently(YAYY)... a few days back(yesterday and the day before) i joined the rector's cup debating championship, it's my first time and its a great experience! :) I teamed up with 2 foreign students which appears that both are my seniors in the Main campus, it is quite random that i teamed up with them.. and IT IS AWESOME to be debating with them.. its like a whole new thing and it happens with such a unique way! :)

Recently, after my previous post, again, the TROLLS came back to ask me questions and questions about the 'girl'. GUYS, seriously? im tire of answering it, can you guys just STOP ASKING and just let me decide when will i reveal? its getting annoying! luckily you asked that in formspring, if i know who the hell you guys are, i might just kick you! man... gimme some space man.. can you just let it be.. Don't ASK WHO! thats all i ask, ask me anything but not "WHO's THAT GIRL" okayyyy :)

I actually cant wait till the time comes where i can actually sort my stuff and then prepare things accordingly, im in a state of serabut-ness(sorry i dont know what is it in English) i feel so.. err.. serabut! my things, my head, my everything! they seems to be not in the right order...

I don't know why this is happening to me, Am I having a hardtime in my life? Why do I feel so insecure? Why do i feel like crying? why do I feel so weak(mentally, my physical strength is indeed weak)? why why and why... I have to be the old me! the guy who always smiles, the guy who is very optimistic, always happy, thoughtful, the guy who try to help others! where have the old Jabir gone?

Sorry this time because the post is a random post, what i write solely depends on what went through my mind and my heart... as the blog also suggest that this is where my mind takes of.. i really make it take off freely :)

Sorry this time i dont have any pictures to show.. I KNOW.. its boring righht! what to do! I will put in more interesting things.. with photos next time :) dont worry :) :P

I think that's it :)